I was very happy when my sister Beth told me she was engaged after spending time at a wellness retreat. When her behavior started to change as the wedding got closer, I knew that something was not right at all.
I want to introduce you to my sister Beth.
Beautifully intense describes how I’ve always seen her. Beth is two years older and she’s among those imaginative, brilliant people that always notice the magic in life.
She relies on romance novels for guidance through life and insists that each person should get the ‘happily ever after’ ending they deserve.
As a young girl, Beth always dreamed, whereas I was the child who went by the rules.
She entertained herself writing stories about princesses and knights and I would help her and work on my homework. But it was exactly what made us fit together as sisters so well.
She made my narrow routines fun and I helped set her straight when things got a bit too fantastical.
She has a tendency to fall in love very quickly and strongly. Always has.
She would easily find herself seriously planning her future with a Monday crush by Friday. She often put both of their names together in her journal and pictured what their wedding day might be like..
.
Beth’s crushes faded away soon, but she was sure that not all love would vanish this way.
For this reason, what happened a few years back had a huge impact on her.
Beth and Marcus had been seeing each other for close to two years. She was so excited she kept bringing up marriage, children and her dream house. I had never seen her look more certain or joyful about anything.
Then, on one day, she showed up at my place crying.
She told me Marcus had been cheating on her with a coworker for many months. In addition, he started telling others that Beth got too close and lived in a world of her own imagination.
She was completely devastated when they broke up.
Beth, a usually friendly and outgoing person, suddenly began to separate herself from people. Except for sending a few rudes text replies, she stopped contacting us and dropped out of both the book club and had derisive remarks.
Whenever I tried to see her, she claimed to be so occupied or tired. It was as if a friend was gradually getting harder to find.
Beth told everyone that she had decided after six months that she needed a total restart. An Arizona wellness center which helped people heal and learn more about themselves, was found by her.
During a coffee date, she told me that she needs time by herself to find out who she really is.
Everyone felt that going into retreat was the appropriate thing to do. She took some time off to recover and it could help her find her motivation again.
After her three-week absence, things about her personality had changed. Back to more like the old Beth we all knew.
That was when she told us all about Nathaniel.
She told me, “I met someone,” with the same look of daydreaming in her eyes. Nathaniel is the name of my friend and he’s really amazing. He shows kindness, understands me and accepts me as I truly am.
I was hardly astonished that Beth had met a person. She’s pretty, can make people laugh and knows how to make people who talk to her feel important.
It really surprised me how fast everything was taking place.
Beth told her parents just two months after returning from Arizona that she and Nathaniel were going to be married. Joanne arrived at Sunday dinner wearing a simple engagement ring and she looked very happy.
None of us had encountered Nathaniel yet and this did feel a little strange though it wasn’t entirely unexpected.
When I wanted to see pictures or eat together with my friends, Beth always gave sweet excuses instead.
She used to tell me that he takes a traditional approach to photos. He observes that magic gets stolen from these conversations.
For example, “He becomes very shy whenever he meets new people. I hope our first meeting turns out perfectly.”
I can see now that there were things we all wondered about, but didn’t ask clearly enough. Is there a reason that activities like these are kept secret? Weren’t we able to hold a video chat with him at all? Why was it all moving so fast?
And even though Beth was usually sad these days, this time she looked truly happy and since Marcus had caused her so much pain, none of us wanted to upset her.
On the morning of Beth’s wedding, I got to the venue early to assist with the last things needed. The location for the wedding was a small downtown chapel peacefully decorated with white roses and soft light.
Everything was done beautifully, but something seemed odd the moment I went to the bridal suite.
Beth was going through the final phases of dressing up, sporting curls and wearing her makeup. Frankly,
she looked incredible, but a little something went wrong with her. She was walking to and fro in her heels and speaking very quickly, sounding frantic instead of happy.
His parents, who live in London, are on their way to New York. The characters are always very organized and polite. I am hoping that I impress them during our meeting. I am making it a habit to practice how I shake hands.
I’m looking forward to the day when you can meet him, she added straight away. He shows his caring by being attentive, though he is not very comfortable with large crowds. Because of this, he wanted his groomsmen to take care of most of the social duties during the festivities.”
Apparently, music fellows specially planned the band’s grand entrance for the occasion. It describes the coming together of two people from different parts of the world. That sounds very romantic, don’t you think?
Even though, I wanted to stick by her side, Beth told me she wanted to enjoy everything in her own space for a moment..
After that, she sent me, Mom and the maid of honor out of the bridal suite, insisting she had to think quietly alone just before walking down the aisle.
Guests started streaming into the chapel before long.
When I took in the audience, I understood that everyone there was most likely from Beth’s work and book club or related to us. I couldn’t recognize anyone who seemed to be in Nathaniel’s circle, but it might have been that they were late or sitting somewhere else.
I did not understand what was really happening.
The wedding coordinator let us know and the processional music was started. As Beth made her entrance, she looked radiant and very dreamy. Her smile as she walked down the aisle was absolutely the biggest I’d ever witnessed.
But as she got to the altar and sat there, I saw something that hit me hard.
She found herself all on her own at the top.
Music changed to indicate the groom was approaching and everyone in the chapel looked at the doors. We waited. And waited.
But they could not enter the temple. No Nathaniel. No groomsmen. Overseas family was not present in the family photo this year.
It was then that our father walked down from the front of the church. Beth watched him coming with a pink leather journal and I just knew things would never be the same.
Deflecting the officiant’s confusion, dad took the microphone and moved out to the altar. When he started to say something, his hands shook and his voice sounded cracked.
I am sorry about everything that has happened. I cannot believe this which is why the wedding must be canceled. I request that you all get up and go right now. Now.”
People in the chapel could be heard gasping and murmuring in surprise. He lifted up the pink journal for everyone to check it out.
He exclaimed: “There will be no groom at the altar.” Nathaniel is imaginary and the groomsmen he talks about do not exist. The guests are not coming in from far-away destinations. There was a journal in Beth’s bridal room and it holds letter after letter meant for a man who is not real.
The reason was that Dad went to visit Beth one last time just before the ceremony began.
Since she did not answer at first, he thought she might have gone out for some last-minute relaxation before the wedding. Inside the room were strewn makeup items, hairpins and broken tissues.
The next thing he noticed was the pink leather journal and Beth’s practice bouquet lying open on the counter. At the start, he thought the item could hold her wedding invitation or wedding vows.
What he found instead, tore his heart to pieces.
Entries to “Nathaniel Gold rang out in the journal.”
Pages upon pages with nothing but her own imagined dialogues, invented confrontations, dreamed dates and lengthy descriptions of a relationship.
All of her entries grew more complex and emotional, forming a world where she was happily in love with an imaginary man.
He paused and gazed right at Beth, who was shaking as she stood in front of him. Perfect makeup weekdays was giving way to tears collecting at the corners of her eyes.
Dad softly commented into the microphone: “She needs assistance.” “Not applause. Not congratulations. She should get help from a professional and her family should give her emotional support.
It was at that moment that Beth had a complete emotional breakdown.
Everything fell apart because of you! she yelled at Dad. You do not get it! He really felt real to me! All the things we dealt with were honest and real!”
People in the chapel started stepping out quietly and many either wished our parents well or put some distance between themselves and the family so as not to feel the discomfort anymore.
Conversations throughout the room were quiet and I saw many people draw out their phones to post the event for others to see.
But the only thing that mattered to me was watching my sister at the altar, crying as her dream life totally fell apart.
I went to where she was on the altar and we sat next to each other, not caring about the wedding dress I was wearing or the people watching us.
She leaned against me and because I felt her pain, I did not let go as she began to cry loudly.
When I saw him, he felt so alive, Stacey,” she said tremblingly. All the moments we exchanged and talked about together. I could picture what he looked like, hear the way he spoken and feel the touch of his hand. How could a group of people experience something so vivid that it didn’t happen in fact?
She finally received the help that she so greatly needed.
It was a tough time for us all as we went through sessions with therapists and doctors figuring out what happened.
As time passed, Beth was no longer able to hide her feelings and a diagnosis showed that her hardships with Marcus and years alone caused her complex trauma response and coping with dissociation.
Having to heal took time and wasn’t easy. Beth learned that she had made up a big fantasy to protect herself from being alone. She needed to find healthy methods to handle failure and trust in real friendships.
Eventually, using therapy, medication and the help of her family, Beth started to feel better.
She reached out to her friends from the past, entered a support group for people with trauma and got back into dating. However, she was now taking part with the help of an exercise professional and set achievable expectations.
She met Jordan in an art therapy class that she had been going to four years after the accident. He was a mellow and supportive developer who liked Beth’s creative side and messy habits without ever trying to control her.
They became a couple gradually, based on their real friendship and mutual respect.
When Beth and Jordan got married last spring, the ceremony was held in a simple way at our parents’ home in their backyard.
And as her turn came to walk down the makeshift aisle, Beth instantly caught sight of Jordan. He was beside her, really and completely, with a smile on his face and tears in his eyes.
